Paradise of Delusions
by sombertime.sadness
Summary: When everything he worked for his lost. Edward finds solace in his own delusions. (EdxRoy) But when you want to turn your delusions into a permanent reality. Who will pull you back out of your subconscious?
1. Chapter 1

**Paradise of Delusions**

When all is lost and Edward is a shell of his former self. He finds Solace in his own delusions. (EdXRoy)

Inspired by Lana Del Rey's - Dark Paradise

**Prologue**

**-My Dark Paradise-**

* * *

Hospital rooms were always too white for his tastes. Yellow daisies off in the corner tried to bring some light and joy into this room, but the tension in this room could be cut with a butter knife. Two beds occupied this room. Both of them full. Once was harboring the Fullmetal Alchemist, It had been three days since Edward had defeated Father and everyone was working hard to clean up the mess he had left behind. And in those three days Edward had not stirred awake. We knew he was alive from the beeps and light breathing coming from his machine and his mouth.

In the other bed, it was Occupied by The Flame Alchemist. He had awoken two days ago just one day after the father incident. He had papers in his hands as he read over paperwork and brushing up on the rules and regulations needed for becoming Fuhrer. The only reason he could see was because of the philosophers stone. After Marcoh used the stone on himself, something unimaginable happened. When they had taken fathers stone away from him they all had failed to realize how dimly the stone had become. Not shining it's bright red beautiful glow, probably from being pulled out of many bodies, being fought over between Greed and Father.

Once Roy got his eyesight back, the stone faded to a dull grey color. If Roy had known that was going to happen, he would have never used it on himself first. Even if Edward had said he needed it more. He would have declined.

Opening his eyes he glanced over in Edward direction seeing his sleeping figure, While he was sleeping the nurses had cleaned up his new arm that his brother had sacrificed in order for Edward to live, survive from Fathers wrath. On the nightstand between them was something that made Roy's heart churn in a bad way. It was Alphonse's helmet from his armor. The only thing that remained of that poor boy.

Knocking interrupted Roy's studies as he glanced over at the door and his right hand woman walked inside and behind her Breda. Riza's eyes glanced over to Edward and a sad expression made it's way onto her face.

"He is still not awake yet?" She asked taking a seat on one of the chairs. Breda leaned up against the wall with his arms crossed. Roy just shook his head.

"It's like he doesn't even want to wake up" Roy added setting down the papers now no longer in the mood to study.

"How's he gonna take it? Al being gone and all?" Breda asked pulling up a seat, spinning it around and sat down on it backwards facing Roy.

"I-" For once in his life Roy was speechless for the little shrimp right now. Normally whenever Edward was brought up he had something to say back about him being hot tempered or short. But this time he just couldn't. "-I don't know honestly...but when he does wake up he will find out eventually...even if one of us has to tell him" Riza looked down at the floor sadly, with one arm across her chest hanging on to her other one. How could anyone find out that they just lost their last close family member.

* * *

Ed knew this bridge. It was the same bridge Al, Winry and himself walked passed every day around 3pm when they gone done with there school.

"What? What am I doing here?" Ed asked as he looked down. His golden eyes trailed down to his clothes, they were a faded light blue. "Hospital gowns?" he asked a bit confused. Figured, three of them came walking from the horizon. Little kids, but not just any little kids. It was himself, Al and Winry when they were just 10 and 11 years old.

Ed froze, he didn't know what he should do. There he was standing 10 feet away from his 11 year old self who was walking carelessly down the path with his green shorts, brown shirt and his school bag over his shoulder.

"Hey! Don't forget grandma's making stew tonight!" little Winry yelled as the brothers ran off.

That was it. It clicked in Edwards him. That, what Winry had said. That was the last thing she had said to them before that horrid night.

"No wait stop!" Edward yelled reaching out to grab his younger self. But young Edward just smiled at his little brother laughing and running of to their house. Edward took off barefooted running down the dirt road trying to catch up to his younger self. But the more he ran, the less he caught up. The earth, not he ground beneath him was stretching wide not letting him catch up.

"I have to stop this! It won't work! Al!" he yelled before falling to his knees. His long blonde hair fell over his face. Now on his hands and knees he raised his head with wide eyes, his messy blonde hair covering up half of his face. Everything was white now. The rolling grassy fields, gone. The Rockbells family house gone, the trees all gone. The expression on Ed's face was like as if he had seen a ghost. Ed pursed his lips before licking them dry and fell back sitting on his bottom now.

"Brother?" Ed jumped in surprise as his head whipped around. His saddened face stared at his brother in his original body standing there before him with a smile.

"Al...we, we did it! Your body is back!" Ed said with a smile. Alphonse smiled as he plopped down in front of Edward in the white abyss.

"Brother you need to wake up" Alphonse said. Edward tilted his head.

"Wake up, what do you mean? Were both alive, you have your body this can't be a dream. I mean I defeated father what else-" Ed stopped rambling on when Al closed his eyes shaking his head.

"Ed, this isn't reality. This is your subconscious. You control what goes on here. This body that you are seeing. It's what you want, how you want your reality to be. But it isn't what it seems" Al said sadly as he looked up into the white.

"Al you are freaking me out..." Ed said in a disapproving tone.

"Brother was always the dull one...think of something. You control this area of your mind. Think it and you can make it" Al said.

Ed closed his eyes thinking of a memorable time in his life when they were all together. No military, no death, no sadness. Just Al, himself and their mother. The white abyss vanished and sand flew around them until it started painting a picture. This time they were in their house before it was burned down. Bookshelfs surrounded one wall and a single desk on the other side. it was their fathers study.

"Of all places Ed, you take us to dads study" Al chuckled.

The door to the study opened and there mother stood there in her dress and apron holding a basket of bread. Ed's eyes widened as he couldn't turn away from their mothers smiling face, so full of life she was that day it was amazing.

"Now boys don't break anything" The two younger brothers happily charged the study happily grabbing books as some books fell of the shelves from there sheer excitement.

"Hey this room had the best books, but I can still smell that awful stench that was left behind"

_'Ed'_

"What was that?" Edward asked as his head looked around for that echoing voice that rang through the recesses of his mind.

_'Ed are you waking up?'_

"Looks like you are waking up brother. Our time together was unforgettable. Remember I love you and sometime in the future i'll see you on the other side ..." Al voice faded away as the house around them melted back into the darkness.

"Al come back! You will be there right?! ALLLL!"

_'Fullmetal'_

* * *

Gasping for air, Edward panted as ceiling fans came into his view. Two figures stood at the end of his bed. Riza and Breda. And to his left was Colonel bastard.

"Geeze" Ed said raising his left arm and put it over his forehead almost covering his eyes."They had to give me a room with you, Mustang" Ed chuckled just messing with him. But he stopped and looked around. "Why didn't they put me with Al? Is he in a different room?" Ed asked, his eyes darting between Breda and Riza, before finally falling to Roy's coal black ones. Riza didn't dare look Ed in the face, she didn't want to see the look or sadness rush over Ed.

"Breda...Hawkeye, where is Al?" He asked and when he looked over to Roy his eyes fell upon the helmet. Al's helmet.

_' It's what you want, how you want your reality to be. But it isn't what it seems'_

Breda was about to speak up until Roy interrupted him.

"Edward...Al sacrificed himself so you could live. Al is gone" Roy said not wanting to beat around the bush. It would only bring Ed more pain if they just avoided the subject.

"N-No...no that isn't true. I-I was just talking with him, he had his body back"

_'Remember I love you and sometime in the future I'll see you on the other side'_

Ed's heart rate monitor was climbing at a fast pace. Roy shot Breda and worried look for split second.

"Where is he! Where is Al!" Edward shot up from his laying down position, ripping the iv out of his arm, the monitor patches off of his chest and opening a few stitches.

"Fullmetal sit down! Breda restrain him, Hawkeye call a nurse!" Roy said unable to move from his bed since he was on monitors and wires as well. Edward kept screaming 'take me to Al' or 'where is he, you are lying' another doctor came in pinning Edwards weaker arm down to the bed as a nurse came in and injected him with some morphine. Edward did his best to try and push the two off of him.

"No...let me go...Al...need...to see him" Edwards eyes drifted to the back of his head as he calmed down going into his unconscious state once again, drifting off to the place where he will find Solace in his own personal hell.

* * *

Between all my depression fics I shall being adding a side projected (which will be humor) while working on this main one. This will be longer than my first one I promise. So please **rate** and **review** and hope you all **follow me!** I love you all!


	2. Chapter 2

**Paradise of Delusions**

When all is lost and Edward is a shell of his former self. He finds Solace in his own delusions. (EdXRoy)

Ok so in this fic I am going to make Roy be like straight forward realistic person tell Edward the truth and try not to spare his feelings. Like a reality ball-buster xD

**Inspired by Lana Del Rey's - Dark Paradise**

* * *

Edward sat with his knees up to his chest, his long blonde hair blowing in the ocean breeze and his golden eyes looked more dull like a burnt orange. He couldn't believe this. His brother, all they had worked for was all gone. It didn't work. His toes were dug into the sand keeping his one real one warm in the sand. The ocean waster was so blue Ed could see his reflection in it, still dressed in this hospital clothing.

"Brother what are you doing back here?" Alphonse asked standing behind him. Ed quickly reached his hands up and covered his ears not wanting to hear anything.

"They told me...you were dead. That we failed. That can't be true, then why are you here right behind me?" He said biting his bottom lip.

"Because you want me here. That's how I exist right now. Brother it's not healthy to keep hiding out here-"

"I'm not hiding" Edward interrupted. "They drugged me after I woke up. That's why I am back...but it's nice here" Edward added at the very end. That worried Alphonse a bit, but he thought nothing more of it afterwards.

"Brother can I ask you a favor" Al said sitting down. Edward opened his eyes and looked up at his brother. "Don't keep coming back here, I know I am not in the real world. But I am never far away" The ocean seemed to fall out of the earth as the darkness took away all that was around him.

"W-Wait not yet!" Ed screamed as he couldn't fight off the drowsiness that was happening to his body. "Don't wake me...not yet"

Alphonse frowned a bit as he watched his brother leave this fantasy world again. "It's dangerous to stay here...you will end up consumed in your on delusions"

* * *

His eyes flew open and he was back in the hospital again. Panting a bit he looked around and saw a window. It was night time, the sun must have just set. He sighed and attempted to sit up, but his entire body was stopped. Blinking he looked around and saw his wrists here bound to the hospital bed.

"What the-" he said as he tried tugging on them.

"Don't be surprised Edward...they doctors didn't want to risk the nurses getting hurt by another outburst from you" He looked over seeing Roy sitting there in the same garb that he was in. Plopping his head back on the pillow.

"How long...have I been out completely?"Ed asked as he tried to figure what day it was. Roy turned the newspaper he was reading to the front page finding the day.

"Completely? It's been 4 days since the father incident" Ed's eyes widened. "Four days! Why didn't anyone wake me!" Ed boasted getting some murmers from outside in the hallway. Roy sighing standing up he went to shut the hospital door.

"You were awake then you decided to have a panic attack and had to be put out again" Roy said sitting on the bed facing Edward. Roy didn't like seeing one of his men like this, especially bound to a hospital bed. Roy couldn't push this aside anymore. Reaching over he grabbed Alphonse's helment and put it on his lap.

"full-I mean Edward. Look at me" Once Ed's eyes laid upon the helmet his face dropped and he had to look away. He couldn't face what used to be his brothers body.

"Bastard don't-" Edward said as he tried pulling on the restraints but he could not break free. His eyes stung with tears wanting to fall as he shut his eyes tight.

"Edward look...You can't deny this. Al is gone, but he left you with a great gift. Your life. Father would have killed you if Al didn't do what he did. Don't make his sacrifice in vein" Roy said.

"I could have done something! Al didn't have to die! I was doing fine" He looked away from Roy with his bangs covering his face.

"No you weren't Edward. Think about it. If you died there, if father killed you. Al would have died anyway. You said it yourself years ago. You are the only one who knows how to fix Al since you bound the soul to the armor. If we tried fixing him, if we made one fraction of a mistake we could have lost Alphonse in the end too" Roy said as he put the helmet back down on the desk. Edward was silent not wanting to speak or talk about this anymore. A few seconds of silence passed until Ed finally spoke.

"When can I leave the hospital" He said in the end still staring out the window.

"Well I think with that behavior you added another day. Probably next week same as me" Roy added. After their little chat the nurses came in with their dinner. Ed was allowed to at least have on arm let free so he could eat, but all he could do was just stare the food. They brought him orange juice, others must have tipped the cooks and nurses off that he despised milk. Roy was happily eating his steak potatoes and carrots, smaller portion that he would have liked but it would do. Roy glanced over at Ed who was sitting up now but not even eating his food, it remained untouched.

"Good evening gentlemen" Roy looked up from the hospital bed and saw a lovely nurse walk in. He smirked and put the paper down.

"Ah Anne, my favorite nurse how are you this evening" Ed rolled his eyes thinking he was a womanizing bastard. She picked up the empty plate of food and set it down on on the tray and walked over about to grab Ed's but it was full. "Oh Ed dear you really should eat" Said the lovely brunette nurse. But Ed remained silent not talking to anyone in the room.

"Ed that's not how you treat a lady" Roy added and shot a smile up at the nurse who giggled. But once again, not a single sound came from Ed's lips. Roy eyes glanced down to see the restraint still on one wrist.

"Um Miss Anne, can I take a walk, to go see my subordinates?" Roy asked as he pushed his feet off the bed. She nodded her head and he grabbed his paper and the nurse left leaving Ed with his untouched food and Roy walked down the hallway passing all the other sick and injured patients still in there bed. Walking out to the waiting room he stood there holding onto his crutch and he got a sad smile from Riza who stood up walking over to him.

"Sir you should be back in bed" She said as she helped him over and he sat down on the chair. He sighed and nodded his head with a small smile.

"I know, i Just couldn't be in that room anymore. With Edward in there it's just seems so stale. He won't even touch his food" Riza frowned gently as she just leaned back into her chair.

"Someone arrived today I am sure she can help comfort Edward" Roy raised an eyebrow. Then it hit him, who was the only person left close to Ed. Winry Rockbell.

"I really hope she can do something or else I don't see him recovering. For a little shrimp he can really bring a room down" Roy said as he flicked open his newspaper. A loud crash came from a room few doors down and Roy had a feeling he knew who it was. Getting up he signaled for Riza to come and there were nurses standing at the door leading to his room. Winry standing there crying and a plate of food scattered on the floor. It seemed that Edward had knocked the food out of Winry's hand when she had tried to feed him. Riza walked over and put her hands on Winry's shoulders comforting her as she cried. Roy told Riza to take Winry away and asked the nurses to give him a few minutes.

Roy walked into the room closing the door and walked over to Ed's bed. He grabbed the curtain that separated their two beds and closed it with such force that it should have fallen down. Grabbing Ed's free wrist he pinned him down on the bed.

"Bastard what the hell are you doing!?" Ed asked as he was forced to a laying position on the bed.

"Fullmetal listen to me. I have been where you are right now. After what I did in Ishval I wanted to kill myself. But Meas stopped me. I took my anger out on other people and lost a few people in the end. I don't want you taking out your anger on Winry when she came all this way to comfort you" Roy said not even blinking.

Ed glared up at him. "You understand nothing..." Roy's grip loosened from Ed's wrist but Ed remained laying in the same spot not moving.

"I don't understand..." Roy said in a sigh in his words. "I lost someone in a brutal murder who was like a brother" Memories of Meas flooded his mind and he just pushed them away not wanting to make this about him right now. Roy stood up and pulled the curtain away and allowed the nurses to come in and clean up the mess.

"Colonel Mustang?" Roy snapped out of his thoughts as a doctor stood there and asked him to step out in the hall.

"I'm Dr. Hitsrow and I have been observing Mr. Elrics behavior" Roy sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I'm sure he will calm-"

The doctor shook his head. "I just have a few questions. Does he had any blood relatives left? Father? Mother? Aunts and Uncles perhaps" Roy just shook his head and all these questions all were answered with the word no. No he had no blood relatives left. No he had no home to go to anymore.

Back in the room Ed slowly turned his head looking out the window seeing Roy and the doctor talking about something. His golden eyes squinted a bit wishing he had super sonic hearing so he could hear what they were talking about. Roy's face remained the same expression, fully inept in the conversation, with an intense stare.

"Im afraid Edward Elric will have to be placed on suicide watch" The Dr. said and bowed to Mustang before leaving to check on other patients.

Roy sighed and nodded his head. Boy this was going to a difficult hospital stay. Walking back into the room Ed remained silent not looking in Roy's direction, which Roy didn't mind. He wasn't in the mood to talk either. The nurses came in and took the i.v. out of Ed's arm since he didn't need it anymore after waking up. "Try and get some sleep Edward, it will heal you quickly" The nurse smiled and walked out of the room. Ed closed his eyes thinking _'at least everything is perfect in my dreams'_ Ed thought before drifting off to sleep.

* * *

Don't worry I know it's slow but it will pick up I swear.** Thank to all who are reading!**


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